Part I of the Healing Series

Taking Charge of Your Life

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Healing is a journey of responsibility—taking charge of our lives in a way that empowers us. As a child, I didn’t have the external examples to fully grasp this concept, but as an adult, I continue to learn what it means to lead my life from a place of self-love and authenticity.

When I applied for a coaching position at the Human Garage, I was asked: What does it mean to be a leader? Writing my response, I realized leadership isn’t just about guiding others—it’s about being the leader of our own lives. We cannot offer others what we do not deeply and authentically embody within ourselves. When we fully embrace this, we naturally lead by example, which is one of the most powerful ways to inspire and uplift those around us.

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What Makes a True Leader?

A true leader embodies three essential qualities:

    1.    Humility that arises from deepest sense of self

    2.    The ability to remain centered in the heart

    3.    A commitment to uplifting those they lead

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1. Humility: The Power of Staying Low to Rise High​​​

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In order to understand what I mean by humility from the deepest sense of self, I would like to describe it from a Chinese medicine perspective. Chinese medicine is based on the observations of nature, in which, humility is related to the element of water. The nature of water is to flow to the lowest point whether it be in a valley or into the ocean. Humility from this stance is thus defined by “staying in the low position”.  In Chinese medicine, the kidneys and the bladder are related to water. The bladder is synonymous to the ocean or the seed of life and the kidneys, along with the triple burner, to the rivers and the flow and manifestation of this seed potential. In its connection to water, this essence of life, humility is like a deep bowing down to; a reverence to all that is or the potential of what all life can be.

As many concepts or nuances of words have changed over time, humility, as well, has lost some of its original meaning.  In our modern day, it is often understood as the opposite to conceit or pride. The meaning of humility then becomes limited in the sense that it only means to stay low, small and unnoticed for the fear of being ridiculed as its opposite, being pompous and prideful. 

Humility, however, in its full meaning, is so much more.  If we follow the patterns of nature, from macro to micro into the human body, we can follow the trajectory of what it really means to go low and how this concept translates into the human realm. Yes, humility is about initially staying low but not to remain low and continue to stay small so that we are not ridiculed.  We go low to connect to the deepest sense of ourselves, this soul seed matrix, the essence of who we are, which then awakens us to our great unlimited potential. This awakening is what gives us the inspiration and courage to burst forth with a great will for life. This will for life then flows and shines as brightly as possible out into the world so that the magic light of who we are can be seen and appreciated by all. 

 This disconnection from source is what manifests big and bold into becoming conceited, or prideful. However, if we are connected to our authenticity, our deepest sense of self, that “bigness” is manifested by compassion and personal truth rather than our fear of not being enough. When we are in our truth, we can only shine the love and light of who we are. This, then gives us the permission and ability to shine as brightly and “Big” as we can be.  If a leader then takes on humility in this way, she will be able to stay low; grounded and centered from her truth and manifest high; dare to be everything that she is and glow the brightest light on our community’s passions and visions to lead the way.   Additionally, her unapologetic conviction to ground in her truth and shine her light gives inspiration for the rest of the community to manifest their lives and collective aspirations in the same way.

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2. The Heart Centered Leader

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Well now that we have covered high and low, what of the middle? The second quality needed in a leader addresses the middle or the center and is the quality of “the heartfelt sense”.

In Chinese medicine, the heart is the queen or the empress of the 12 primary organs. She, like the sun, who shines light and energy on to the rest of the orbiting planets, sits on her throne and glows her love, light and clarity to the rest of the organ systems.  Like the sun, the heart has no action, but just by her presence, all is grounded and safe. If she is not sitting on the throne, like the sun leaving the center of our galaxy, everything becomes anarchy and chaos.  When a leader comes from her heartfelt sense, she is sitting on her throne and guiding from there. Just by keeping her heart and mind clear and being fully present she leads her community into a balance and flow with the universe.  Being present in her center allows the rest of the community to do their job with clarity, calmness and structure, giving playfulness and joy to life’s plans and tasks. Whatever the unpredictable waves of life, she stays in the center and rides it, guiding her people along.

A good leader has the queen quality of the heart, where her leadership does not need to be brazen, shown or felt on the outside but subtly, like a consistent lit candle, leads the way in which everyone is managed, supported and cared for so that they can do their jobs.

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3. Illuminating the Best in Others

 This brings me to the third quality of being able to bring out the best out of her followers.  Another quality of the Queen heart in Chinese medicine is her embodiment of propriety “Li” and her ability to continually illuminate that out to the rest of the organ systems.  Propriety “Li” is not just about appropriate or suitable behavior but from a Chinese medicine perspective about right resonance. The queen then needs to uphold what is appropriate in the sense of what is in resonance, in truth with herself and her people.  I feel like the yogic greeting namaste says it all. “The light in me, sees the light in you”, meaning, “I see you for all that you are, in all your glory and potential.  I do not enable you by trying to do your life for you because I know you are divine and therefore capable to make it happen for yourself. I hold space for you, love you for who you are and support you to my utmost so you can become everything that you are."​

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To truly lead, we must hold space for others—not by trying to rescue or manage their journey, but by seeing them in their highest truth. Leadership is not about creating dependency; it is about fostering self-trust and empowerment. When we look at someone and acknowledge their infinite potential, we remind them of what they already know deep inside. We do not take away their struggles, nor do we carry their burdens for them, but we stand beside them as a mirror, reflecting their strength back to them.

This is the foundation of true support—not diminishing another by assuming they need saving, but honoring their capacity to rise on their own. When a leader embodies this, they create an environment where people are not just guided, but empowered to step into their own brilliance.

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My former partner was a great example of a Heart leader. He was the owner of a restaurant and in that sense the leader or manager of a small community. When he led, he created structures, rules and systems to support everyone to be able to do their jobs well but then he also encouraged and supported each person to be who they were. He let their unique personalities and qualities define and enhance the fun, flow and dance between his customers and staff.  His vision was sustainable, local, organic foods inspired by the hearty peasant foods of Italy, where people who came to dine, also experienced being part of the restaurant as family and community…and he did that really well.

Like a symphony reaching the climax to a piece of music, his restaurant would hit these crescendos in its dance as well. When there was a lot of momentum and collaborative energy moving through the restaurant, he often would say to me, “Mary, it is like a car. I just make sure there is gas in it and everything is running and then all I can do is just drive and enjoy the ride.” It had become an entity in itself. To me that is a sign of a healthy, bustling, creative community. Rather than micromanage, he let the beauty of life itself unfold. The restaurant played and danced of its own accord with him in the center, holding space, knowing when to create structure and when to let go… so much so that his staff never felt “managed” by him, only guided. He was a true heart.

In conclusion, a good leader to me, is one who knows who she is and where she comes from and is not afraid to be everything that she is. From her deep knowing, she keeps her heart clear and centered. It is from this fearless place and deep knowing of truth that she can guide those around her from her heartfelt sense to become everything that they are too. 

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My wish is for each and every one of us to be grounded in the deepest sense of who we are, integrating the ocean of our potential with the queen/king sun of our spirit, so that in our true grace and humility we may manifest our lives to the upmost.

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